"JEKYLL AND HYDE SYNDROME" IN MARRIAGE

By Jonathan Decker, LMFT

We’ve all experienced it, the “Jekyll-and-Hyde Syndrome," in which a normally decent partner, friend, or family member turns into an irrational dolt and/or grumpy monster. We feel frustrated when they won’t listen to reason, hurt when they lash out, and confused when they make choices we don’t agree with.

In life and in my therapy practice, I’ve found four simple keys will help us to react constructively and helpfully when a loved one goes off the deep end.

HELPING MEN (AND BOYS) TO BE HONEST & ACCOUNTABLE

By Jonathan Decker, LMFT

For the record, dishonesty, manipulation, and blame-shifting aren’t exclusively male problems. We all know women and girls who do the same. Nevertheless, a frequent issue that I encounter in my therapy practice is the complaint by women that their boyfriends and husbands often lie to “get out of trouble.” They also say that these men avoid responsibility for their actions by justifying, minimizing, and pointing fingers at others. Mothers and fathers often observe same behavior in their sons. 

The good news is that you can help the men and boys in your life to be honest and accountable by creating an environment where shame is eliminated, imperfection is accepted, and improvement is promoted not by control, but by “persuasion…gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned” (D&C 121: 41).

AVOIDING ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS (AND BUILDING GOOD ONES)

By Jonathan Decker, LMFT

In my work as a therapist and relationship educator the most frequently-recurring issue I see among single adults is the belief that all of the good men/women are already taken. Many seem stuck in a pattern of abusive, controlling, neglectful relationships that they desperately want to escape. Others have heard the horror stories of their friends and are understandably reticent to enter the dating scene themselves. 

MAINSTREAM SUPPORT FOR THE LAW OF CHASTITY

Chasing After Mirages

The headlines scream at you from the magazine rack at the grocery store, promising secrets to amazing lovemaking. Your SPAM email likely contains invitations to try supplements guaranteed to enhance your anatomy. Our culture has become obsessed with sex, as evidenced by the rampant popularity of Internet pornography and erotic novels. In society’s craze they may think they’re tapping into sexuality's full pleasure potential, but it's never enough. When things don't satisfy like they used to, they go for something more extreme.

3 KEYS TO THRIVING AS AN LDS SINGLE

By Jonathan Decker, LMFT

I was raised by parents who were very much in love… and I think it messed me up. Sure, I learned wonderful relationship skills and observed plenty of romance, but that’s just it: I was so enamored with what my parents had that I was actively looking for a spouse at the age of five. I had it all planned out: we’d date through school, I’d serve a mission, she’d be waiting for me when I got home, and voila! Instant family. This fantasy, combined with my excitable personality and frequent exposure to the doctrine of eternal marriage, practically ensured that I would inadvertently frighten away potential marriage partners by trying too hard.

WHEN A CATHOLIC, AN EVANGELICAL, & A MORMON SHARED EASTER

Catholics, Evangelicals, and Mormons. Three divergent branches of Christianity whose doctrinal differences have led to everything from declaring each other un-Christian to literal warfare. There have been harsh judgments, persecutions, retaliations, and all sorts of behavior that Jesus would certainly weep over. Yet one beautiful weekend I discovered that there is hope for members of these faiths, and people of all worldviews, to find common ground, harmony, and friendship. It was the Easter I felt nearest to the Prince of Peace. It was the weekend an Evangelical, a Mormon, and a Catholic shared Easter.

FIGHT LESS, CONNECT MORE: 5 KEYS TO HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS

As a therapist, the most rewarding aspect of my work is helping to heal relationships. We all have the need to feel connected, to feel loved and accepted, and to give our support and affection to others. Sadly sweetness can turn to bitterness in our friendships, families, work partnerships, and romantic relationships We sometimes wonder how it all went wrong and how to fix it. We know that contention is not of God (3 Nephi 11:29).